


Snapshots of growing up - The Pendragon Boys 7

by dragonflyMerri



Series: The Pendragon Boys [7]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-18
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 00:43:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/437218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonflyMerri/pseuds/dragonflyMerri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots of the childhood of Jamie and Colin, sons of Arthur and Merlin</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ages 3 - 6

**You Like Him Better Than Me – Ages 3 & 4 ******

Merlin brought in the grocery bags and ushered his sons into the back yard to play. As he put the groceries away, he kept an ear out for the normal commotion of just turned three year old Colin and four–almost-five year old Jamie at play. He was just putting the last of the veggies away when the tone of the racket from the back yard changed. The brothers played well together and even their arguments were fairly reasoned. But now, based on the yelling, it sounded like someone was upset. Merlin glanced out the window just in time to catch Jamie shove Colin from behind, sending his brother flying face forward onto the grass. An immediate wail arose from the little boy. Merlin was out the door like a shot.

“Jamie! What do you think you’re doing?”

Jamie looked around stricken. 

“Colin fell.” Jamie said defiantly.

“Colin did not fall, you pushed him. I saw you.”

Jamie’s blue-green eyes widened. He was already convinced that his Papa had eyes in the back of his head like he claimed. Now Papa had been in the house and he knew!

Merlin reached his youngest son, still sprawled face down on the grass. Reaching down, he picked him up and set him on his feet, eyes scanning and doing a quick assessment.

“You’re all right, Colin. Nothing’s hurt.” He reassured his son, brushing down his shirt and pants.

“Jamie push meeeeee!” The little boy howled, feelings hurt by the betrayal of his big brother.

Merlin pulled the crying boy into a hug and looked at his oldest son. Jamie was standing with his bottom lip pouted out, foot scuffing the lawn.

“Jamie, go up to your room now. Sit on your bed and wait for me.”

Jamie looked up and opened his mouth to argue.

“Now Jamie! I don’t want any arguments. Upstairs and wait for me!”

Jamie scowled and stomped off into the house. He had his father’s temper as well as his blonde looks.

Colin pulled out of his father’s arms and watched his brother’s retreating back, tears now forgotten.

“You gonna yell at Jamie?” he asked tentatively. 

“No, I’m going to talk to Jamie.”

“He was mean to push me.”

“He was wrong to push you,” Merlin corrected. “I don’t think he meant to be mean.”

‘Yes he did!” Colin assured his Papa. “He said he dinnit like me no more.”

“Anymore.” Merlin automatically corrected and frowned. That didn’t sound at all like Jamie. From the first, Jamie had been both possessive and protective of his younger brother, and the two were firm friends.

Merlin stood and held out his hand for Colin. “Come on. I need you to play in your room while I talk to Jamie, okay?”

“You not gonna yell at him?” Colin’s hurt was now replaced by concern for his beloved brother.

Merlin walked his son into the house. “No, I’m not gonna yell at him.”

 

Jamie was slumped on his bed, swinging his feet, but he straightened when Merlin walked in. Merlin sat on the bed next to his son and put his arm around the small shoulders.

“What’s going on, Jamie? Why did you push Colin?”

Jamie dropped his head.

“Did you tell Colin you don’t like him anymore?”

Jamie nodded.

“Do you mean that?”

After a moment, Jamie shook his head.

“So why did you say that? It’s not a very nice thing to say, is it?”

Jamie looked away

“What’s the matter, little man?” Merlin reached up and stroked the soft golden hair of his oldest son. “Why are you angry?”

Jamie turned to look at his Papa and Merlin saw tears trembling in his eyes. “You loves Colin more than me.”

Merlin’s eyes widened in shock. “What? Jamie, why on earth would you think that?”

“Cause that lady said so.”

“What lady?” Merlin asked bewildered.

“The lady in the store. She said that you love Col and she dinnet say anything about me. She never even said hi to me.”

Merlin thought back to their recent trip to the grocery store. They had been in the fruit section when another shopper had accidently rammed his cart, causing Colin, who was sitting in the seat of the cart, to topple sideways. Merlin had grabbed him to steady him. The lady had apologized then started raving about how much father and son resembled each other, commenting in passing “Oh you and your wife must love having a little one that looks so much like his daddy.” Jamie, who was standing beside Merlin, was completely ignored in the exchange. Now that Merlin thought about it, Jamie had been unusually quiet for the rest of the outing.

Merlin gathered Jamie and pulled him onto his lap, giving him a huge reassuring hug.

“Jamie, you are my son and I love you a hundred, million times. That lady just didn’t see you, that’s all.”

“She said you love Col cause he looks like you. I don’t look like you.”

It was naive childish logic and Merlin completely understood it.

“Do you know why I love _you _so much? Because you look just like Daddy.”__

Jamie looked up at Merlin, with doubt in his eyes.

“You know that I love your Daddy, don’t you?” Merlin asked

Jamie nodded. 

“I love your Daddy more than anybody else in the whole wide world except for you and Colin, right?”

Jamie nodded. “You’se always kissing Daddy."

“Well, if I love your Daddy so much, and you look just like Daddy, then I must love you just as much as I love Daddy, don’t you think?”

“But you loves Colin more.”

“Look at this.” Merlin shifted Jamie in his arms, then reached out and using a finger, drew a heart on the duvet. “This is my heart. This half is full of love for you and this half if full of love for Colin. You both fill my heart with love.”

“Where’s Daddy?”

“Your Daddy is the line around my heart, just like arms holding us all together and loving us all together.”

Jamie studied the drawing then reached up and touched Merlin’s chest. “And I really fill your heart?”

“You fill my heart so much that sometimes all my love just has to burst out and I have to do this!” Merlin grabbed the little boy close and began tickling him. Jamie squealed with laughter.

When the tickling session was over, Merlin set Jamie on his feet and kissed his hair.

“Now, I think you owe your brother an apology for pushing him, don’t you?”

Jamie nodded.

“And I think maybe you could tell Colin that you like him again?”

“I do like Col. I loves Col, Papa – cause he looks like you.” Jamie gave his father a beaming smile and threw his arms around Merlin’s neck in an enthusiastic hug. Merlin’s heart flipped over.

Jamie ran out of his room and into Colin’s. Merlin pulled out his mobile and dialed Arthur’s number.

“Hey, am I interrupting you?.....I just wanted to let you know that I love you a hundred million times……” Merlin laughed at Arthur’s puzzlement. “Nothing special. Just talking with Jamie and he reminded me how much I love you…….Yeah, I’ll show you when you get home, after they boys have gone to bed…... I love you Arthur. Thank you for our lovely sons…… Bye, love. See you soon.”

 

****

 

**The Training of Young Boys Ages 4 & 5 ******

“Dinner will be ready in about 15 minutes.” Merlin joined Arthur, Morgana and Leon in the livingroom, picking up his wine glass.

“”Smells great,” said Leon. “It that the new recipe…”

“Papaaaaa!!!” Four year old Colin’s voice bellowed from upstairs.

Merlin and Arthur exchanged a look but didn’t move.

“Yes it is, but I’ve fussed it up a bi…..”

“Paaaaapaaaaaaa!!!!”

“..a bit by adding in some…”

“Paaaaaappppaaaaaaaa!!!”

“Aren’t you going to answer him?” Morgana asked, looking confused.

Merlin shook his head. “We’re trying to train them not to shout down the stairs – to come down if they want someth-“

“PPPPAAAAAAPPPAAAAA!!!”

With a snort of impatience, Merlin went to the bottom of the stairs and yelled back. “Colin, stop shouting! If you want something, come down and ask properly.”

When Merlin returned to the livingroom Leon grinned at him. “Wasn’t you yelling up at him just what you told him not to do?”

Merlin shrugged. “It’s more important that _they _learn what to do, then me following that rule.”__

Morgana shook her head. “Whatever happened to lead by example? Or is it a case of do as I say and not as I – oh goodness!” Morgana’s eyes widened as she looked at the doorway to the livingroom.

The other’s turned and Merlin and Arthur gasped, while Leon snorted a laugh. Four year old Colin stood in the doorway, pants around his knees, arms folded, looking indignant.

“Colin! What on earth?”

“We’re out of toilet paper! I was calling you for toilet paper!”

Morgana gave an inelegant snort of smothered laughter and clasped a hand over her mouth. Leon giggled like a girl. Arthur grinned like a maniac.

“Well you should have checked before you started. Pull up your pants and go upstairs, I'll bring you some toilet paper.”

“I can’t pull up my pants. My bum’s still dirty.” Colin scowled.

“Just – go upstairs!” Merlin turned and glared at the adults in the room, all trying desperately to smother their laughter, especially Arthur who was biting his lip as he manfully tried not to laugh out loud.

Just then Jamie came into the room, took one look at his brother and turned to Merlin. “Hey, how come Col doesn’t have to wear pants? If he doesn’t then I’m not neither!” And Jamie proceeded to start pulling down his pants.

“Jamie! Keep your pants on! Colin, just go upstairs – now!”

Morgana bit her fist to smother her laughter, Leon was sliding down in the chair, tears running down his face with laughter. Arthur was making strangled sounds as he tried frantically not to laugh out loud.

Merlin glowered at all of them. “You are not helping the situation!”

Just before leaving the room, Colin turned back to Merlin. “Papa, I ‘membered to flush my poo before coming down.” He announced proudly.

Morgana totally lost it, falling down sideways on the couch and letting loose with her unrestrained laughter. Leon slid completely off his chair and landed on the floor in hysterics. Arthur had a pillow pressed over his face but his laughter could still be heard.

“Not helping people!!” Merlin yelled before following his youngest son out of the room.

Jamie watched in fascination as the adults all tried to reign themselves in. When the laughter finally sputtered to quiet snickers, he looked at his daddy.

“Hey Daddy, how come Col’s willy is bigger than mine?”

Morgana and Leon’s hysterical laughter filled the house to the rafters.

 

*****

 

**Loosing Colin in the Grocery Store Ages 5 & 6 ******

Arthur carefully picked through the strawberries, choosing only the best ones he could find. Merlin loved strawberries and Arthur had something special in mind for these ones – something for after the boys were in bed. Beside him, Jamie was busy counting aloud the carrots in a bag he was holding. Arthur was just tying up the bag of strawberries when he heard a screech from a few aisles over.

“DAAAADDDDYYYYY!!!!”

Instinctively Arthur and every other parent in the grocery store checked to see if their children were close. Jamie was right beside him but Colin was nowhere to be found. 

“Jamie, where’s Colin?” Arthur asked anxiously, alarm ratcheted up in his chest as he scanned the produce area for five year old Colin’s messy dark curls.

‘Dunno.” Jamie looked around curiously. “Where’s Col Daddy?”

“DAAAADDDYYYYY!!!” The scream could be heard again and Arthur recognized the young voice.

“Colin!” 

Grabbing Jamie by the hand and abandoning his cart, Arthur hurried over to where he could now hear the wailing of a lost little boy. Two aisles over he turned the corner and saw Colin half way down the aisle, head thrown back in a full-on wail while a couple of adults hovered over him, trying to calm him.

“Col!” Jamie wretched out of Arthur’s grip and raced down to his brother, pushing past adult legs.

“S’okay Col, we found you.” Jamie put his arms around his distraught little brother and pulled him into a hug.

“Jamie,” Colin sobbed. “I got l-l-losted.” And he clung to his brother.

“Colin, baby, are you alright?” Arthur reached the pair, knelt down and enveloped them both in a reassuring hug, as much for himself as for them. Looking up at the adults, Arthur smiled an apology. “Thank you for watching him. Sorry for the trouble.”

Colin transferred from Jamie’s arms to his father, wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck. “You losted me Daddy!” he scolded through his tears. 

Around Arthur, the adults laughed as they moved off to finish their shopping.

“I’m sorry, little man. Daddy thought you were with us.”

“Col’s you gots to pay ‘tention in the store! Papa always says you gots to pay ‘tention or you’ll get lost.”

Colin pulled away from Arthur’s neck and scowled at him. “Papa never loses me!” he accused.

“Papa makes us hold the cart.” Jamie added helpfully.

Colin looked around. “You losted the cart too!”

Arthur stood up with a sigh, clutching one son in each hand. Merlin usually did the grocery shopping and how the hell he managed with the two boys Arthur had no idea. There were already items in the cart that weren’t on the list, Jamie had managed to set off an avalanche of oranges and now he’d lost Colin.

“The cart’s not lost, Colin. Come on – and this time both of you hold on to the cart. I don’t want to lose one of you again.”

“Papa never loses me.” Colin sniffled in reprimand, taking a big sniff of his runny nose. 

Arthur stopped and pulled out a tissue. Dropping to one knee he held the tissue for Colin to blow.

“Well, we won’t tell Papa that you got lost, okay? He doesn’t need to know.”

Colin’s eyes grew wide. “Will Papa get mad that you losted me?”

“No, Papa won’t get mad, and I didn’t lose you, you wandered away because you weren’t paying attention.”

“How come we can’t tell Papa you lost Col?” Jamie asked, intrigued.

“I didn’t lose Colin,” Arthur reiterated firmly as he stood up and grabbed each boy’s hand again. “And we’re not going to tell Papa because we don’t want to worry him.”

Colin nodded sagely. “Papa will be worried you losted me.”

“I didn’t lose you, you wandered away.”

“Col never wanders away with Papa. Papa always pays ‘tention to us and makes us hold the cart.”

“You never made me hold the cart, Daddy.” Colin accused him.

“Well you’re going to hold the cart from now on – both of you.”

“Wait till Papa hears you lost Col. He’s gonna be mad at you, Daddy.” Jamie said.

“We are _not _going to tell your Papa that Colin got lost. We don’t want your Papa to get anxious about us shopping together. Colin’s found and safe with us so let’s just finish the shopping as fast as we can.”__

They reached their abandoned cart and Arthur made sure each child was securely hanging on to the cart. They headed to the dairy section.

“What’s anshush, Daddy?”

“What?” Arthur asked absently as he piled milk into the cart.

“You said Papa would be anshush that you lost Col. What’s anshush?” 

“Anxious. It means worried. Which is why we are not going to tell your Papa. So no more talking about it, okay?” Arthur frowned at the display of yogurt. “Do you boys know which one of these Papa buys?”

The boys very helpfully picked out two varieties, one with dancing cows on it and one with pirates. Arthur frowned at the exorbitant price of both items – he’d have to talk to Merlin about buying the most expensive brand of yogurt when the boys could just as well do with a large tub of the stuff instead of the tiny individual pots.

They managed to make it though the rest of the shopping without incident. The fact that Arthur checked every five minutes to make sure both boys were still firmly attached to the cart had _nothing _to do with previously losing his son in the grocery store.__

 

Merlin was home from his dental check-up when Arthur and the boys got home. He helped unpack the bags while the boys went into the den to play.

“Arthur, what on earth?” Merlin pulled out four boxes of cake mix and held them up for inspection.

“Jamie said that’s the brand you buy.” Arthur defended.

“I make cakes from scratch, Arthur. I never buy this stuff.” 

Merlin dug into another bag and exclaimed loudly as he pulled out the yogurt. “What the hell, Arthur? Why did you buy these?”

“Yogurt was on the list. The boys said these were the two you always bought.”

Merlin shook the two packs at Arthur. “Dancing cows and pirates, Arthur!”

“Yeah, I meant to talk to you about that. It seems rather extravagant to buy these when the large tubs would do just as well.”

“I buy the large tubs! I never buy these – do you have any idea how much these cost?”

“But the boys-“

“The boys are five years old! Dancing cows and pirates, Arthur! Five year olds pick out dancing cows and pirates!”

Arthur sighed in exasperation. “Well I’m sorry, Merlin. It was a bit of a harrowing trip. The boys kept putting things into the cart, Jamie knocked over the oranges – there were bloody oranges everywhere, and then Col….erm, never mind.”

“Colin what?”

“Nothing. Everything was fine.”

“Arthur?? What happened with Colin?”

“Hey Daddy are you talking about losing Col?” Jamie and Colin walked into the kitchen in a remarkable show of lack of timing.

“You lost Colin?” Merlin rounded on Arthur with eyes wide.

“What? No. No we didn’t lose Colin, _did we boys! _” Arthur glared at the boys meaningfully.__

“Daddy said you’d be anshush if we told you.” Colin said helpfully.

“I’d be anxious?? I’d be anxious if you lost my son??” Merlin glared at Arthur.

“It wasn’t _lost _so much as temporarily misplaced him,” Arthur tried to mitigate the storm he could see brewing in Merlin’s eyes.__

“It’s okay, Papa. We found him again.” Jamie reassured his father.

“Daddy never made us hold the cart like you do. That’s why he losted me.” Colin said solemnly.

Merlin narrowed his eyes at Arthur in silent communication that _we will discuss this later. _Then he turned to the boys.__

“Did you boys tell Daddy that you’re supposed to hold the cart?”

Both boys looked guilty.

“You both know that that’s the rule, don’t you? Whether we tell you or not, you both know that you have to hold the cart when we’re in a busy store. I think you owe your Daddy an apology for causing him all this trouble.”

“Sorry Daddy,” both boys mumbled.

Merlin shoo’d the boys out of the kitchen, telling them lunch would be ready in a few minutes so go wash up. When they had left, he turned to Arthur who was smiling sheepishly.

Merlin glared at him for a few moments before his mouth twisted up wryly. “The reason both boys have to hang on to the cart is because _I _lost Jamie once when he wandered away to try his luck in the bulk candies. Fortunately he was too young to tell you about it and he was having too much fun stuffing himself with chocolate to notice he was lost.”__

Arthur burst out laughing and Merlin joined in, moving to embrace his partner. “But we have to talk about you letting the boys select the groceries…”

Arthur reached behind him and held up the bag of strawberries. “I bought you strawberries for later,” he said hopefully.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Missing You – Ages 9 and 18 months ******

Arthur contacted the football with a vicious kick and the ball shot over the opponent’s head and halfway to the goal. Arthur raced after it, slipping around an opposing player, leaping over another one who had fallen and pushing aside a third. He saw Gwaine catch up to the ball and give it a kick towards the goal just as the ref’s whistle blew to end the game. Arthur stopped running and bent over, hands on his knees, catching his breath.

“Good game, Arthur.” Barry from the opposing team walked by and smacked Arthur on the ass.

Arthur straightened up and waved a thanks, gulping in large mouthfuls of air. Gwaine came jogging up to him and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Feeling better now?” he asked breathlessly.

Arthur looked at him quizzically and shook his head.

“I’m pretty sure the ball never did anything to you personally, but you were kicking the shit outta it today.”

Arthur grimaced and sighed. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

Gwaine and Arthur started walking back from the goal area.

“What’s up?” Gwaine asked.

“Frustrated I guess. Just taking it out on the ball.” Arthur sighed again.

“What’s so frustrating?”

Arthur looked over to the sidelines and his walk slowed. Merlin was sitting in the stands entertaining their two sons. Nine month old Colin was sitting on Merlin’s lap sucking his thumb, and year and a half old Jamie was jumping up and down in an excess of energy while Merlin laughed at him. Arthur sighed again.

“Okay – that’s the third sigh in less than a minute – what’s going on?”

Arthur stopped walking, eyes fixed on Merlin. “Look at him, Gwaine. He’s a wonderful father. He’s a natural with the boys and they adore him.” Arthur’s expression softened with love. “He’s such a good man in so many ways.”

“And that’s a problem?” Gwaine looked at Arthur in confusion.

“No – yes – no.” Arthur reached up and scrubbed his hair in frustration. “I love my kids, Gwaine. And I love that Merlin is such a great father with them. But sometimes…” 

Arthur trailed off as he watched Merlin stand, hitch Colin on his hip and grab Jamie’s hand, then start to walk towards him.

“Sometimes what?” Gwaine asked.

“Sometimes, I miss Merlin.” Arthur blushed and looked embarrassed. “I know that sounds crazy. I mean, Merlin’s right there and he’s always home when I get home. But these days, he always seems to have a child attached to him. I miss Merlin. My Merlin, not the babies’ daddy. Sometimes, I miss being just us two.”

Gwaine smiled at Arthur. “That doesn’t sound crazy at all actually. And I bet if you asked Merlin, he’d say the same thing.”

The two men started walking towards Merlin and watched Merlin approaching them. As they got closer, Colin spied his daddy and grinned a big grin, displaying his newly developing teeth – all two of them. Jamie started pulling at Merlin’s hand as he tried to reach his father faster.

When they were close, Arthur bent over to pick up Jamie, slinging him on his hip, then leaned in to kiss Merlin lightly. Jamie objected to such close contact with his sweaty dad, crinkling up his nose.

“Melly, daddy, melly!”

Merlin laughed at his son’s protestations of his sweaty father, missing how Arthur’s eyes darkened with passion for his partner. Arthur loved Merlin’s laugh and he couldn’t help but lean in to kiss Merlin again – passionately. The kiss is broken up when Colin wound up a wail of protest and Jamie started hitting his father, repeating “Melly, daddy!”

When they pulled apart, Merlin looked at Arthur in bafflement.

“Arthur?” Merlin’s eyes are wide and dark with the kiss and his lips lush, as he automatically bounced his youngest son on his hip to quiet him.

“I love you. Just you.” Arthur said enigmatically before putting his son down next to Merlin. Jamie wrapped an arm around Merlin’s leg.

“Give me five minutes to change, then how about we go for ice cream?”

“Ice keem! Ice keem!” Jamie repeated excitedly and the two parents laughed at their son. 

Unseen by both of them, Gwaine, off to the side watched the interaction between the two men, then nodded to himself.

Merlin and Arthur walked off the field with Jamie between them, each parent holding one hand. Gwaine walked beside Arthur as Merlin congratulated them on winning the game and commented on Gwaine’s two goals. Arthur had been too busy trying to kill the ball to score.

****

Merlin and Arthur were both on their knees, hanging over the bathtub while bathing the boys together. Arthur making a game out of washing Jamie and there was much splashing and squealing. Merlin ducked out of the way while keeping a firm grip on Colin who was quietly splashing a rubber ducky and talking baby talk nonsense to it. 

When the phone rang, they let it go to message, figuring that if it was an emergency, whoever it was would phone back immediately and they would answer the second call. Bath time was a special time in the household, a time when the boys had both father’s undivided attention for some fun in the tub and cuddles in the towels.

When both boys were washed, dried, powdered, diapered for bed and in their pajamas, the father’s switched children and Merlin carried Jamie to bed while Arthur snuggled a sleepy Colin to his cot, tucking in his stuffed dragon beside him. The boys still shared a room. Each father settled their child into bed, then switched to kiss the other one good night as well. Merlin turned on the soft night light and flipped on the baby monitor before partially closing the door. By the time he glanced back for one final check, both boys were asleep.

“I’ll clean up the bathroom, why don’t you make us a cup of tea?” Arthur volunteered.

Merlin grinned at the offer and gave Arthur a peck on the cheek in thanks. “Just put everything in the hamper, I’m doing laundry tomorrow.”

Arthur snorted. “You do laundry everyday, seems to me.”

Merlin laughed over his shoulder as he walked down the hall “Just call me Merlin the manservant!”

 

In the kitchen, Merlin filled the kettle and set out the tea supplies. He spotted the phone and the blinking message light, so he hit the replay button.

“Arthur, it Gwaine. Give me a call once you’ve got the boys in bed. I’ve got a proposition to offer you about what we were talking about. I think I can help you out. Cheers.”

Merlin frowned in puzzlement at the enigmatic message. Hopefully Arthur would know what Gwaine was talking about.

When Arthur finally came down for tea, Merlin replayed the message. “What’s that all about?”

Arthur shrugged. “No idea – we talked about a lot of things at the game. Why don’t you put the telly on and I’ll call Gwaine back.”

Merlin took his tea into the den as he heard Arthur dial Gwaine’s number.

 

Five minutes later, when Arthur joined Merlin in the den, he was grinning from ear to ear. He sat down beside Merlin and pulled him into a cuddle.

“Talk to Gwaine?”

“Yep.”

“And?”

“And, he might just be my favourite person right now – aside from you of course.”

“Sounds interesting – what did he want?”

“He and Elaina have offered to take the boys for a weekend so that you and I can get away for a break just by ourselves.”

Merlin sat upright, eyes wide with surprise. “Where did this come from?”

Arthur looked a bit embarrassed. “I might have mentioned to Gwaine that I miss having you all to myself, and he told Elaina. He said he remembers when the twins were young and how he and Elaina would both go stir crazy until the grandparents took their kids for overnight or a weekend to give them a break. So he’s offering the same service to us.”

Merlin bit his lip anxiously. “But what about the boys? They’ve never been away from us before. Maybe we should try just an overnight first, to get them used to it.”

“A weekend, Merlin,” Arthur said firmly. “We both need a break, you especially. The kids will be fine with Gwaine and Elaina. Jamie loves hanging out with the twins and Colin loves how they fuss over him. They both love Gwaine and Elaina, and don’t forget that Elaina is Jamie’s mother. The boys couldn’t be in better hands. And we would have the whole weekend just to ourselves.”

Merlin considered for a minute then smiled at Arthur. “A whole weekend? Just the two of us? No kids? No diapers? Me smelling of something other than spit-up and poop?”

Arthur laughed and pulled Merlin back into his arms. “I think I vaguely remember how you used to smell before the boys were born.”

Merlin smacked him on the chest then scrambled over him to reach for the phone.

“What are you doing?” Arthur ducked out of the way of an errant elbow just in time to avoid getting a black eye.

“You’ll see,” said Merlin as he dialed. “Gwaine? This is Merlin. We love you Gwaine, you and Elaina. You are both officially our favourite people.” Merlin laughed at whatever Gwaine was saying. “I don’t know what Arthur’s got planned, but I’m going to sleep in late then get up and have a nap, and take baths so long I fall asleep in the tub and sit on the toilet in splendid solitude and I don’t want to see a single pureed food item the whole weekend!”

Arthur grabbed the phone out of Merlin’s hand. “I’m going to ravish him to within an inch of his life and right now, I don’t care if he does sleep through it.” Arthur listened to what Gwaine said on the other end. “Hell, he can marinate in the damn bathtub for all I care – as long as he emerges smelling like himself again and not of various baby smells.”

Merlin wrestled the phone back. “Naked, Gwaine! We’re going to be naked the whole damn weekend! Except for socks – I can’t be happy if my feet are cold.”

Gwaine’s laughter could be heard loud and clear as Merlin and Arthur said goodbye and rang off.

 

****

 

Merlin and Arthur dropped the kids off at Gwaine and Elaina’s two weeks later. Jamie immediately disappeared with the twins while Elaina took a smiling Colin – clutching his beloved stuffed dragon - into her arms. Merlin handed over a long list of items about the two boys while Arthur manhandled their various supplies into the house. Both men gave their profuse thanks to Gwaine and Elaina, who shoo’d them out and on their way to their weekend getaway.

They had a fabulous romantic weekend. Arthur booked them into one of the most exclusive hotels in London, had obtained brilliant seats at one of the hottest West End shows and had reservations at one of Merlin’s favourite restaurants. All the makings of a weekend to remember and a weekend to get reacquainted and fall in love all over again.

They rediscovered their passion for each other. They walked everywhere, arm in arm as they took their time rediscovering London and each other. They had adult conversations about topics that had nothing to do with children. They ate every meal in restaurants with adults and not a clown or child’s play area to be found. 

They stayed up late sipping wine in a wine bar with soft jazz playing in the background before walking back to their hotel held tight against each other. They took a long bath together, taking turns lounging in the other one’s arms and make wet soapy love. They took showers where they pressed up against the wall in a flurry of passion, despite having just come from the bed where their sighs and moans of pleasure were swallowed in the mounds of cushions on the extra-king size bed.

Arthur insisted that Merlin buy new clothes and Merlin emerged from the dressing room looking so stunning that he took Arthur’s breath away. As they walked out of the store, a fellow passing by looked at Merlin in his new clothes and whistled. Arthur grinned and put his arm around Merlin’s shoulder – ‘this one is mine’ his body language declared for all the world to see.

At night, Arthur made love to Merlin like he was discovering Merlin all over again. He touched him, caressed him, kissed him and cherished him with his touch until Merlin was breathless with want, arching up beneath his fingers, begging for release. Arthur captured Merlin’s mouth just as he cried out his release and breathed in Merlin’s ecstasy. 

Merlin made love to Arthur as only he could, touching all the secret places that none of Arthur’s other lovers had ever discovered. Merlin knew which spots to caress, which ones to kiss, which fragile areas to nip or lick or nibble, breaking Arthur’s control until he was writhing and curving up with want, eyes blown dark with passion, face flush with need. When Merlin finally allowed Arthur his release, he was raw and open and desperate with craving. Arthur came with Merlin’s name on his lips while Merlin lavished promises of everlasting love in Arthur’s ear.

Breathless, replete and completely vulnerable, Arthur rolled over and buried his face in Merlin’s neck, loving him and trusting him implicitly. Merlin wrapped his arms around his lover, holding him safe and loving him through his defenselessness.

Arthur finally stirred in Merlin’s arms, kissing the side of Merlin’s neck, licking at his ear. “I will love you for the rest of my life,” he whispered in promise. And Merlin smiled.

 

****

 

Sunday afternoon arrived and they drove back home, both relaxed, happy and flush with love for each other. The closer they got to home, the more their conversation became about the boys, and by the time they pulled up in Gwaine and Elaina’s driveway, both fathers were eager to see their sons again.

Gwaine answered the door and greeted both men with hugs. “No need to ask how the weekend went – you both look very satisfied with yourselves!

Arthur and Merlin both blushed and everyone laughed. Hearing familiar voices, Jamie came barreling into the room.

“Daddy! Daddy! Papa! Papa!” Jamie hurtled towards Arthur and Arthur caught him, lifting him high in delight. Jamie screamed with laughter and threw his arms around his daddy’s neck, planting a sloppy wet kiss on his cheek.

Elaina entered holding Colin. The baby beamed back at his parents and promptly babbled “pa..pa..pa..pa..pa..pa..pa..pa.”

Merlin laughed and held out his arms for his son, but before Elaina could place Colin, Jamie lurched sideways out of Arthur’s arms and towards his papa, trusting as only a child can do, that someone would catch him. Merlin deftly twisted to catch his oldest son and Jamie wound his arms and legs around his papa, just like a monkey.

Arthur reached out and took Colin, who smiled gummily back at his Daddy and repeated “Pa..pa..pa..pa..pa..pa.”

Arthur laughed. “No little man, I’m your daddy. Can you say Dada?”

Colin considered him for a moment before crinkling his nose and saying “Da..da..da..da..da..da.”

Everyone cheered the accomplishment and Colin grinned back at them, displaying a new tooth breaking though.

“Come on in for a cup of tea,” Elaina invited as she headed to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

“Hi Uncle Arthur, hi Uncle Merlin.” Gwaine and Elaina’s six year old twins Tristan and Trudy smiled up at their favourite uncles. 

Although they were half brother and sister to Jamie - through Elaina being mother to them all, the twins took after their father and had dark brown hair and his Irish good looks. The twins also had one unique feature – they both had hetrochromia – each twins had one hazel eye and one green eye, although Tristan’s right eye was green while his sister’s left eye was green. Only six years old, it was already obvious that they were going to grow into beautiful adults.

Merlin lowered Jamie to the floor and told him to go and play with his ‘cousins’ while daddies had their tea. Once the little boy ran after his ‘cousins’, Merlin held out his arms for Colin. He pulled the little boy in for a hug, breathing in that wonderful baby smell that he loved. Colin happily parked on his shoulder, Merlin followed Arthur and Gwaine into the kitchen for tea.

“I hope the boys were not too much trouble,” Arthur said as he sat at the table.

Merlin took the chair beside him and Colin leaned over and patted his daddy’s shoulder.

“They were very good boys. The twins were a great help with Jamie. He only had one wobble yesterday but we got that sorted out.” Elaina said as she set the tea supplies on the table.

“Interesting thing about your son Jamie,” Gwaine said with a grin. “When he got upset, he didn’t want anything to do with Elaina or the twins, he came running to me to hold him. I was the only one who could calm him down.”

Merlin and Arthur turned to Elaina uneasily. She was Jamie’s mother and he had rejected her. But Elaina just smiled and shook her head.

“Relax you two. It just confirms to me that Jamie is well and truly your son. He knows where to find comfort and love. He’s not missing a mother, so you’re doing a good job raising him.”

Colin squealed and held out his arms to Elaina. She reached over and plucked him out of Merlin’s arms.

“This one however, is a real ladies’ man – aren’t you, little boy? He is going to be a handful when he grows up, he’ll have girls falling all over him with that big beautiful smile and those lovely sparkly blue eyes!” Elaina gave Colin one last snuggle before handing him back to his father.

After tea and collecting all the boys assorted belongings, Merlin and Arthur strapped the boys into their car seats, then gave Gwaine and Elaina a final hug goodbye.

“Thank you, Gwaine – you don’t know how important this weekend has been to Merlin and me.”

Gwaine laughed. “Hey, got kids of my own, remember? Glad we could help. And don’t be shy about asking us to babysit again. You two have to remember you’re a couple as well as parents. You might want to think about the occasional date night.”

Merlin came up behind Arthur and slipped his arms around Arthur’s waist, dropping his chin on Arthur’s shoulder. “I think date nights are a brilliant idea. We’ll trade you babysitting duties.”

“DADDY - GO HOME!!” Jamie’s voice bellowed out from the back seat of the car.

Laughing, Arthur and Merlin got in the car and drove off to resume their life as fathers once more.

 

 

**Cup of Tea? Ages 2 and 3 ******

Arthur heard the wailing of a little boy the minute he stepped out of the car in his driveway. Pulling out his briefcase, he automatically tried to identify which of his son’s was causing the racket. He realized that the wailing had a double pitch and that meant that both boys were crying at the same time. The fact that he could hear them also meant that they must be in the back garden.

Instead of going into the house, Arthur used the side gate to walk around the house and into the back garden. He saw the two boys, two year old Colin and three-turning four year old Jamie, both crying and holding on to each other. Merlin stood about 10 feet away, just watching them.

Arthur walked over and stood by Merlin. Both men contemplated their sons. 

“So, what’s going on?”

“They’re both upset.”

“I see that. Why?”

Merlin sighed. 

“They were playing tag. Jamie tripped and accidently knocked over Colin. Colin started crying then Jamie started crying, either out of sympathy or guilt. I haven’t quite figured out which. They just grabbed on to each other and…..this.”

“Did you try and get them to stop?”

“Can’t. They won’t let go of each other.” Merlin tilted his head in consideration. “I think at this point they’re feeding off each other.”

As if in confirmation, Colin stopped his wailing to catch his breath. As soon as he stopped, Jamie stopped. Then they looked at each other and both started up again.

“I see what you mean.”

“Yeah.”

The two fathers observed their sons for a few more minutes.

“So, cup of tea?” Arthur asked, draping an arm around his partner’s shoulders and kissing his cheek.

“Sounds good.” Merlin turned and slipped an arm around Arthur’s waist.

The men walked into the house.

“How was your day?”

“Good, how was yours?”

“Interesting.”

 

In the yard, the two boys finally wound down. Colin pulled away and scrubbed his eyes. Jamie scrubbed his and then looked at his little brother.

“Your nose is snotty, Col,” said Jamie. “Here.” 

Jamie helpfully pulled up his t-shirt and used the hem to wipe his brother’s nose. Colin looked up at him and smiled, his eyes beaming back through spiked wet lashes.

“Let’s play in the sandbox.” Jamie led his little brother to the sandbox and the trauma they had just experienced was soon forgotten.

 

Merlin and Arthur brought their tea out to the patio and sat side by side watching the boys. Both noted the cessation of crying and saw the two boys heading for the sandbox.

“The crisis seems to be over,” noted Arthur.

“Until the next one.” Merlin smiled at him.

“How do you know that it’s not something serious?”

Merlin laughed. “I’ve gotten very good at reading the various cries of our sons. The ‘I’m hurt’ cry is very different from the ‘I’m mad’ cry and the ‘I’m crying because he’s crying’ actually sounds a bit like a siren – wailing up and down for effect and I’m pretty sure they’re each trying to outdo the other one.”

Arthur grinned. “I’ll have to pay more attention and learn to read my son’s better.”

“Yeah. That last one – you’ve just gotta let it wind down on its own, like you saw. Trying to get in the middle of one of those is a lost cause. No matter which boy you go to, the other one takes great offense and he changes to the ‘my world is coming to an end’ cry.

Arthur burst out laughing. Merlin grinned back at him.

“And don’t get me started on the ‘I’m tired and grumpy but I don’t want to go for a nap’ cry, or the ‘I can’t reach it’ frustrated cry. Jamie is a master at the temper tantrum cry. I’ve got him trained now that if he wants to have a temper tantrum, he has to go to his room to do it.”

Arthur shook his head in disbelief. “How did you learn to speak child cries?”

“You try spending the whole day with these two and I guarantee you that you’ll learn to speak child cries or you’ll drive yourself crazy jumping up every time one of them starts wailing.” Merlin smiled. “The one to watch out for is the silent crying, because that’s when they are really hurt – not physically, but heart and soul hurt. That’s when you just hold them close and love them and reassure them until they get their balance back.”

Arthur reached out and pulled Merlin in for a kiss. “You’re a wonderful father and the boys are very lucky to have you – and so am I.”

The kiss was interrupted by the boys coming up on the patio. “Papa, me n Col’s is thirsty.”

The fathers broke apart. Colin toddled over to Arthur and held up his arms. Arthur picked up his youngest son and gave him a squidgy hug. Colin giggled and snuggled into this father’s chest, thumb stuck in his mouth, gazing up his daddy in adoration. Colin worshipped his daddy and loved being held by him.

Merlin pulled Jamie onto his lap then pointed to the hem of his t-shirt. “What happened here?”

“Col’s noses was snotty. I wiped it for him.”

“That’s being a very good big brother.” Merlin dropped a kiss on his oldest son’s golden hair. He looked over the table to where Arthur was sitting with Colin in his lap and his heart flipped over with love at the sight of the two of them cuddling. Then he looked down at his son.

“How about we make you and Colin some tea? Do you want to help me make egg and soldiers?”

“Yeah!” Jamie grinned up at his Papa, he loved making toast – waiting and watching for the bread to pop up.

Arthur looked over at Merlin and Jamie smiling at each other and he felt his heart stutter with an overflow of love. Pulling his little boy closer, Arthur dropped his head to rest on his son’s.

“Hey Merlin?”

Merlin looked up at him.

“Remind me to show you later how much l love coming home to you.”

Merlin’s eyes darkened and he smiled that special smile he had only for Arthur. And Arthur fell in love all over again.

 

 

**Picnic Day Ages 10 & 11 ******

 

“Boys, get down here, we have to go!” Arthur yelled up the stairs to his two sons, conveniently ignoring the fact that he always corrects them whenever they do the same.

There was a cluttering of footsteps in the hallway and Jamie thundered down the stairs as only an 11 year old can do.

“Dad, do I have to go? Andrew’s dad said I could come along with them – Burnside is playing Golgoth and it’ll be a wicked game!” Jamie complained all the way down the stairs.

Before Arthur could respond, 10 year old Colin came hurtling down the stairs behind his brother.

“No fair! If Jamie doesn’t have to go then I shouldn’t have to go either!”

“You’re both going, end of discussion!” Arthur admonished both boys.

“Colin, did you even try to brush your hair?” Merlin asked as he walked over to his son and carded his fingers through his hair, trying for some semblance of order.

“Daaaaddd!” Colin pulled out of his father’s hold and promptly messed up his hair again. Peering up from an overlong fringe that hung in his eyes, he scowled. “I brushed my hair, but if you’re gonna try and put a part in it, I’m not going! I look like a dork with a part in my hair.”

“You look like a dork anyway,” snorted Jamie then ducked as Colin aimed an ineffectual swing at him.

“Enough!” Arthur set down the law. “Both of you are going and you’ll be on your best behaviour. Now go put on your shoes.”

As the boys pushed and shoved each other good-naturedly into the entrance way to get their shoes, Merlin looked at his husband. Arthur looked GQ casual and exceedingly handsome in an open-necked shirt, a red jumper and light canvas pants. A smile brushing his lips, Merlin batted his eyelashes at Arthur.

“Do I have to go too?” he asked quietly, teasingly.

“Merlin!” Arthur growled before leaning over to kiss him. Then he whispered in Merlin’s ear, “If I didn’t have to go, we’d all stay home.”

The father’s herded their son’s into the car and set out for Arthur’s annual company picnic.

 

Only Merlin heard Arthur’s under-the-breath moan as he pulled into the parking lot of the country club to see it packed with cars. Merlin gave him a sympathetic smile. In truth, Merlin didn’t think anyone ever really enjoyed these annual company get-togethers, but Gaius Ballentyne, the CEO of Arthur’s company loved hosting them. It was only because of Arthur’s strong love of the old man that Arthur, Merlin and the boys made this annual pilgrimage. Gaius had taken Arthur under his wing when Arthur had first joined the company years ago, and Gaius had become not just a mentor but a substitute father figure for Arthur.

“Hey, maybe Milly Crookshanks will be here again this year.” Said Colin, baiting his brother as they piled out of the car.

“If she is, I’m staying on the other side of the picnic grounds!” Jamie growled. Last year, a besotted Milly had followed Jamie around constantly, much to his embarrassment and horror.

“Okay boys, you know the rules. Have fun but keep an eye out for your Papa and me.” Arthur told them, then shoo’d them off to join the other kids. As they left, Colin called out.

“Hey, there’s Milly! Milly! Hey Milly! Jamie was just talking about you.” Colin broke into a run for his life, just ahead of his outraged brother.

“Well, into the lion’s den,” said Arthur, putting his arm around Merlin to shepherd him into the crowds on the field. 

 

They had just greeted a couple of co-workers when Gaius appeared at Arthur’s elbow.

“Arthur my lad, good of you to come. Hello Merlin, are the boys here too?”

“Gaius, thank you for having us,” Merlin reached out and shook Gaius’ hand. “The boys are off with the other kids.”

“Good, good, lots for them to do this year. Merlin, I hope you don’t mind, but I need to steal Arthur away for a moment. Arthur, I’ve invited the Odenfields to join us this year since we’ve signed a contract with them. You’ve met Horace Odenfield, but I don’t believe you’ve met his daughter, Vivian.”

Gaius dragged Arthur away and Merlin sent a smile and a wink at Arthur as he looked back over his shoulder in apology. This was why they both hated these things. Arthur always got dragged off to meet this bigwig or that important person and Merlin was, for the most part, left to fend for himself. With a sigh, he located the bar and headed over to grab a drink.

“Merlin, good to see you again.” Merlin turned and smiled as Elyan Thomas joined him. Elyan worked in the IT department of Arthur’s company and designed computer games on the side. He and Merlin had discovered a connection through graphics a few years back, but only connected at company functions.

“Are your boys here?” Elyan asked.

“Over there, with the rest of the kids.” The two men searched the moving hoard of children until they located a blonde boy and a dark-haired boy – who seemed to have a shadow in the form of a pretty, smiling little girl with long brown hair.

“Ah – I see Milly has transferred her affections to your Colin this year.” Elyan noted. Both men could see Jamie laughing and mugging kissy faces at an embarrassed Colin, behind Milly’s back.

Merlin grabbed a beer and headed off with Elyan into the mass of party goers.

 

*****

 

Colin laughed and laughed as Billy tripped over his sack and went arse-over-teakettle, despite it meaning their team was losing the sack race. He looked over to see if Jamie was watching and laughing but spotted his brother standing defiantly, arms crossed, scowling across at the adults.

Colin’s laughter faded as he followed his brother’s sight line, but he couldn’t see what Jamie was so upset about, it was just a bunch of adults milling around talking and drinking. Then the lady wearing the dress that looked like wallpaper moved away and Colin saw. Dad was talking to some lady who had her hands all over him. Unknowingly, Colin’s face developed the same frown as his brother. Keeping his eyes on Dad and the lady, Colin walked over to his brother, coming up beside him.

“Who’s that lady?”

“Dunno,” said Jamie, not at all surprised to find his brother beside him.

“She’s touching Dad a lot. I don’t think he likes it.”

The brother’s watched as their dad tried not to frown and kept backing away from the lady, but she kept a grip on his arm and seemed to like stroking his chest. When she reached up to touch his face, dad pulled his face back and looked a bit panicky.

“We need to get Papa, come on.”

Jamie headed in the direction he’d last seen his papa, confident that Colin was following. The two boys wound their way amongst the adults, finally locating their papa talking with a group of people. Jamie went up behind his papa and wormed his way in front of him.

“Jamie?” Merlin looked down questioningly, a bit of censure in his eyes at the interruption.

“Papa, can you come now?”

“This must be Arthur’s son! Oh, he’s he spitting image of his father.” Some old lady cooed and leaned forward, a hand outstretched ready to pinch Jamie’s cheek. 

Jamie shrunk against his papa, out of reach. Around Merlin’s other side, Colin wormed his way to the front.

“Papa? We need you to come with us right now!” Colin grabbed Merlin’s arm and yanked on it.

“Oh look at this little one, he’s the image of you, Merlin.” The old lady shifted her interest from Jamie to Colin. Colin looked back at her in alarm and plastered himself against his papa’s side.

“Boys!” Merlin stepped back away from his son’s clinging. “This is Mrs. Ballentyne, say hello properly please. Alice, this is Jamie and this is Colin, our sons.”

With great trepidation, Jamie and Colin held out a hand to shake, muttering ‘Nice to meet you.” As soon as that was over, they turned back to Merlin.

“Papa, please can you come with us? You need to come now.” Jamie pleaded.

Merlin saw the look of urgency on his son’s face. “What’s the matter?”

“You need to come now, please Papa, you need to come now.”

“Right now, Papa!” added Colin, equally anxious.

Merlin excused himself and his two sons pulled him through the crowd. They stopped and pointed.

“Look! Dad needs your help.” Jamie instructed.

“She keeps touching him, Papa,” Colin worried, gnawing his lip.

Merlin looked across the crowd and saw Arthur with a blonde woman who seemed determined to feel every inch of his chest. Merlin narrowed his eyes in possession, especially when he could read, even at this distance, Arthur’s alarm at his companion.

“Right. You boys wait here.”

 

Merlin marched determinedly over to Arthur, slowing his pace as he neared and modifying his posture to a sexy saunter.

“Hello, love. I was wondering where you were.” Merlin smiled at Arthur, deliberately ignoring his companion.

“Merlin! Hello darling, having a good time?” Arthur’s voice dripped relief as he stepped out of the she-mantis’ hold and stepped towards Merlin, pulling him into an embrace. Merlin leaned into it and kissed Arthur possessively. Only Merlin heard Arthur’s ‘thank god’ murmur before their lips connected.

Beside them, Vivian stared open-mouthed. When the two pulled apart, Arthur turned to Vivian, not releasing Merlin from the death-grip he had on his waist.

“Vivian, I’d like to introduce you to my husband, Merlin. Darling, this is Vivian Odenfield, Horace Odenfield’s daughter and marketing director of their company.”

Merlin held out a hand and smiled in sympathy at the slight woman, obviously in shock. 

“Pleased to meet you, Vivian, I hope my Arthur has been keeping you entertained?” Merlin felt Arthur’s fingers dig him in the side.

Vivian looked at Merlin, then at Arthur, then back at Merlin. “You’re married?” she asked in disbelief.

“Happily married for 13 years now, isn’t that right, darling?” Arthur answered and asked.

“Married for 13 but together for much longer,” Merlin answered, leaning into Arthur, one arm slung around his shoulder. He smiled an intimate smile at his husband.

“Hey Dad, hey Papa.”

The father’s looked down as both Jamie and Colin arrived. The two boys purposely embraced their parents, Colin slotting in beside Arthur and Jamie resting against Merlin. The two boys looked pointedly towards the intruding woman.

“Vivian, these are our sons, Jamie and Colin. Boys, say hello to Ms Odenfield.”

Both boys dutifully held out a hand to shake, but glared daggers at Vivian. The poor woman kept looking from one look-alike son to his father, then back to the other look-alike son and his father. Before the four of them, she visible wilted. 

She looked back at Arthur, her smile pasted on. “Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, Arthur and your – uh – family.” 

She looked in disbelief at Merlin once more and Merlin smiled back at her, tilting his head to rest against Arthurs. The two boys tightened their hugs on their fathers, and Arthur held on to all of them for dear life.

“I think I hear my father calling.” Vivian invented. “Bye Arthur. Perhaps I’ll see you at the office sometime.”

“Not if I can help it,” Arthur murmured as Vivian walked away.

Merlin pulled out of Arthur’s death-grip. “Okay boys, you can go back to playing now.”

“What if she comes back?” Jamie demanded.

“You don’t have to worry – Papa is going to be by my side for the rest of the night, isn’t that right, Merlin?”

“Oh, just try to get rid of me – _darling! _”__

Arthur leaned in to kiss Merlin again. Beside them, the two boys rolled their eyes.

“Come on Col, their getting all kissy again.” And the two boys ran off, confident that the parents were safe.

 

**Freedom of Expression – Ages 14 and 15 ******

Merlin was at the stove, just starting a fresh batch of scrambled eggs when Jamie started chocking on his own eggs. Merlin turned to the table in concern then walked over to pat him on the back. Jamie waved his arms around, a combination of waving off his father and pointing to the entrance of the kitchen. Merlin looked up to where Jamie was pointing and his jaw dropped open in shock.

“Morning Papa” said 14 year old Colin as he oh-so-casually strolled into the kitchen. At least, Merlin thought it was his son. It was Colin’s clothes – albeit everything black that Colin owned, and Colin’s voice….but the rest….

“Papa, the eggs are gonna burn.”

When Merlin made no move, just continued to stand in shock, Colin sighed and walked over to stir the eggs.

“Boys, don’t forget your father and I are going out for dinner tonight.” 

Arthur bustled in, concentrating on doing up his shirt cuff. When no one answered him, he looked up to see Merlin standing stock still, mouth hanging open and Jamie, red-faced and manfully biting his lip, both of them staring at Colin’s back as he cooked something at the stove.

“Are those my eggs? Thanks Col – GOOD GOD! What the hell are you supposed to be?”

Jamie and Merlin both lost it, laughing hysterically. Merlin dutifully clamped a hand over his mouth and turned away, but his smothered laughter could still be heard. Jamie had no compunction at laughing outright at his brother.

Standing at the stove, frying pan of scrambled eggs in hand, Colin glared back at them all – glared back through heavily made up black-rimmed eyes and blue eye shadow. His face was even paler than normal and his lush lips were outlined in black. Colin’s normally messy hair was jelled to within an inch of its life into mult-directional spikes. His all-black clothing was enhanced with chains and two padlocks.

Arthur stared at him gobsmacked. Colin held out the frying pan.

“Your eggs, Dad.”

“What in god’s name are you supposed to be?” Arthur asked incredulous.

Colin shrugged. “Just trying something new.” He replaced the frying pan on the stove then sauntered over to sit at the table.

“There is no way in hell you’re going to school like that! You’ve got more make-up on your face then a two-pound hooker. Where did you even _get _make-up?”__

Colin glared at his Dad, then his Papa, who was now slumped in a chair, tears running down his face, hand still firmly clamped over his mouth, shoulders still shaking in laughter. Jamie couldn’t sit up properly he was laughing so hard.

“It’s an artistic statement, people!” Colin yelled. “A man should have the freedom to express his inner turmoil.”

“Yeah, well right now you look less like a man and more like a cross between Marilyn Manson and a Marilyn Munroe,” snorted Arthur as he plated up his breakfast.

Merlin completely lost it again, dropping his head onto the table in helpless laughter. Jamie clutched his stomach, it ached so bad with laughter.

Colin jumped to his feet and scowled at his assembled family. “You are all plebians! Culturally bankrupt and destroyers of souls!” He stomped out of the room and back to his room, high on moral indignation.

“While you’re up there, wash all that crap off your face and wash your hair. You are not getting in the car looking like that!” Arthur called after him as he sat down to his breakfast.

Merlin sat back up, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes. Beside him, Jamie gulped a lungful of air as he straightened up in his chair.

“I blame this on you, Merlin.” Arthur said casually as he started eating. “The boy’s inherited all your crazy artistic genes.”

“Hey! I never did _that _.” Merlin protested in a huff. “I don’t even know what _that _was! He was perfectly normal yesterday.”____

“It’s the new play they’re working on at school.” Jamie supplied. “They’re doing a goth version of On the Waterfront. Don’t know why they’re bothering, the play’s old as the hills, don’t know anyone who’d go see it.”

Merlin lightly clipped Jamie across the back of the head. “That play is a masterpiece and a classic, I’ll have you know.”

“They’ve got zombies in the play, Pops. What masterpiece has zombies in it?”

Merlin frowned in confusion. “There are no zombies in On the Waterfront.”

“Well if it has zombies in it, we are definitely not going to see it,” declared Arthur.

“Col’s going out for one of the leads in the play,” said Jamie.

“Which one? Stella?” asked Arthur and Merlin and Jamie dissolved into gales of laughter again.

 

They were running late and were all standing in the hallway waiting for Colin to reappear. He finally cluttered down the stairs wearing the same clothes, minus the chains and padlocks, hair freshly washed and face clean except for some lurking eyeliner. Arthur nodded his approval as Colin scowled at him. Merlin handed him a scrambled egg sandwich to eat in the car as his breakfast.

Arthur ushered the boys out the door ahead of him before leaning in to kiss Merlin goodbye. Then he leaned in close to Merlin’s ear and whispered.

“Find Colin’s eye liner – I think you’d look gorgeous with a bit of that on – for tonight, I mean.” He gently bit Merlin’s earlobe in promise, then walked out, leaving Merlin standing in the doorway, gobsmacked.


	3. I Will Love You Forever - Age 2 months

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of the backstory on Arthur's childhood.

**I Will Love You Forever – Age 2 months ******

Merlin heard the mail fall through the door slot as he soothed two month old Jamie. Holding the baby up against a cloth on his shoulder, Merlin rubbed his back, patting gently while walking back and forth.

“We have mail, Jamie,” Merlin cooed to the little boy. “Let’s go see who wrote to Papa and Daddy.”

Merlin sauntered down the hall, murmuring softly to the baby. Arthur was upstairs catching up on some much needed sleep. Jamie had had a restless night and Arthur had been up and down all night trying to get him to settle.

Reaching the front door, Merlin did a graceful upright bending of his knees as he reached down for the mail. In his other arm Jamie let loose with an impressive burp and a bit of spit-up from his recent bottle feeding.

Merlin smiled at him. “That’s a good boy, you’ll feel much better now. How about we try to have a nap, hmm? Is Jamie sleepy?”

The baby yawned and rubbed his face in Merlin’s shoulder. “I think we should have a nap, baby. Come on, lets go rock and fall asleep.”

Merlin dropped the mail on the kitchen table then walked upstairs and into the nursery. As he passed the master bedroom he glanced in and saw that Arthur was dead to the world, fast asleep on his stomach, face smooshed into the pillow.

“That’s your daddy, sweetheart, isn’t he a handsome man all squished up and drooling like that?” Merlin whispered into the baby’s ear. “You drool just like your daddy, did you know that?” Merlin kissed the soft downy hair on the baby’s head.

In the nursery, Merlin sat in the rocking chair and settled Jamie more comfortably against his chest. While he rocked, Merlin hummed a tune that his own mother used to sing to him. When Jamie fell asleep, Merlin carefully placed him in the cot. Jamie was a tummy sleeper just like his father. Merlin pulled up the soft blanket and gave the baby a final kiss before creeping out of the room.

Merlin tiptoed into the master bedroom and grabbed the baby monitor, pausing to pull Arthur’s blanket higher up on the sleeping man. He couldn’t help grinning at the thought of father and son both in identical positions, both sleeping and drooling in happy oblivion.

Downstairs, Merlin grabbed the mail and thumbed through the envelopes. He paused at an official looking envelope from a lawyer’s office, addressed to James Arthur Pendragon. Merlin frowned. Arthur’s name was Arthur James. Jamie was James Arthur – but why would a lawyer’s office send a letter to a two month old baby?

Merlin opened the envelope and pulled out a multi-page document. As he read the accompanying letter his eyes widened in disbelief while his mouth tightened in anger. The letter was from Uther’s lawyers stating that Arthur had officially been cut out of any inheritance however an allowance had been made for James Arthur Pendragon, to be inherited upon the boy’s 25th birthday.

Merlin flung the letter on the table and glared at it, his hatred of Uther rising full force. He had thought Uther was finished with screwing up Arthur’s life. Lord knows he and Arthur had washed their hands of Uther the day they had walked out of his life. And now, just when Arthur was happily settling in to life with his son, Uther crawls out of the woodwork and sticks another dagger into Arthur’s heart.

Merlin slumped onto a kitchen chair and dropped his head into his hands, memories flooding back……

 

Arthur’s mother had died giving birth to him – a fact Uther never let Arthur forget, nor did he ever forgive, especially as Arthur grew up to look like his mother. Uther had married multiple times, trying to replace his beloved first wife. Starved for affection, Arthur had latched on to each new mother figure, only to have them disappear from his life without explanation. By the time Arthur was six, and yet another wife disappeared, he had learned to guard his heart and trust no one.

When Arthur was six, Uther married Vivienne, a woman he had had an affair with years ago. Vivienne had arrived in the household with eight year old Morgana, Uther’s daughter from the affair, who he doted on. Confused and scared by the new addition, Arthur thought he was being replaced, since his father had never shown him the affection he now showered on Morgana. Arthur had retreated even further into himself, cowed by the knowledge that no one would ever love him.

But Morgana was a child wise beyond her years and she sought out the reclusive little boy, becoming his friend and his defender, and the only one in the family who had any faith in him. She drew Arthur out of his shell and paraded his achievements in front of Uther, demanding that Uther acknowledge his son. Arthur proved to be smart, good at sports and popular at school, all thanks to a desperate need to win his father's approval and Morgana’s belief in him. Arthur moved from awe at his half-sister courage to full blown love and for once, someone loved him back. 

Morgana knew all of Arthur’s secrets and was the one who knew about his sexual orientation, before even Arthur was fully aware of it himself. Arthur’s sexual history was mired in guilt and shame at the anticipation of Uther’s anger and disapproval if he ever found out. Arthur went to great lengths to hide the fact he was gay, hiding his sexual experiences, terrified at being exposed. 

Anyone who knew Arthur saw only his public persona - bright, smart, successful, an accomplished athlete, self-confident. No one would have guessed that it was all a façade, a desperate struggle to please his father, to become the man Uther expected him to be. No one would have guessed that while he succeeded on the outside, he was tormented and dying on the inside. No one would have guessed that he was gay. No one but Morgana knew the real him.

When he finally admitted his sexual orientation at 19, the resulting furor and blazing rows with his father had sent him into hiding. Fortunately, Morgana knew all of Arthur’s secret rendezvous sites, including his bolt hole, and she had come to his rescue. She had dragged him back to face his father, and stood beside him, shoring him up when necessary as he fought his battles with Uther. She never failed him. 

Then Arthur met Merlin and fell head-over-heels in love. 

Merlin was everything that Arthur wasn’t. Merlin was openly gay and fully confident in his sexuality, but his sexuality didn’t define who he was. Merlin was funny and creative, quirky and lovable, talented and caring, and he just happened to be gay. He didn’t care what others thought about him, and his confidence and happiness in himself made others not care either. 

Arthur and Merlin met at a party given by one of Merlin’s friends. Arthur knew no one, but had been invited by one of his secret sex partners. He’d had another huge fight with Uther, and just wanted to forget everything for a short while. Arthur was roaming the room when he heard a laugh that sent shivers down his spine. He searched the people around him looking for the source. Then the laugh sounded again and he found him – a tall, slender man with a mop of tossled dark hair and sharply defined cheekbones, was standing in profile. The man was laughing at something the other person said, and when he laughed, his eyes crinkled up and a dimple danced in his right cheek. Arthur watched fascinated. Then the man turned towards him and Arthur quite simply fell in love.

Merlin had felt someone watching him, and he turned towards the stare. When he saw Arthur staring at him, he forgot to breath and his laughter froze. He was staring at the most beautiful man he had ever seen. A heroic face, bright blue eyes and silken blonde hair, the man stared back at him with a tentative smile and Merlin fell wonderfully, gloriously in love.

Walking away from Julian, who was in mid-conversation, Merlin walked towards the golden Adonis. The man stood watching him, dazed.

“Hi. I’m Merlin.”

“Hi. I’m Arthur.”

The two stared at each other, reading each other’s face, drinking in the beauty they found in each other.

“It’s quieter on the balcony.” Merlin cocked his head in the direction of the big glass doors.

Arthur simply nodded, then followed Merlin out into the open air.

Merlin leaned back against the balcony railing and smiled up at Arthur. “I’ve never seen you before. Are you at the party with someone?”

“No. I don’t know anyone here. I was told about the party. What about you? Are you here with someone?”

Merlin tilted his head, smile deepening. “Just friends. So tell me about yourself Arthur. Who are you?”

Arthur shrugged and dropped his head. “No one special. I’m in my last year at uni, studying business and finance. I play football and try to stay out of trouble.” He looked up at Merlin. “What about you? Who are you?”

Merlin straightened up but didn’t lose his smile. “I’m in my third year at uni – studying fine arts and graphic design. And yes, before you ask, I’m very good at it. I don’t play any sports due to being completely uncoordinated but I have a healthy appreciation of the fine sporting male body. I think staying out of trouble is greatly overrated – provided the type of trouble you get into is worth the cost.” 

Even in the darkness, Merlin saw Arthur blush at the rebuke. He took a step closer into Arthur’s space.

“I am funny, incredibly creative, bit of a loon according to my friends, and I think that you’re wrong. You are someone special.” Merlin reached out and gently cupped Arthur’s jaw. “You have the most beautiful face, incredible bone structure, brilliant eye colour – like periwinkles in bloom. Your nose had the most interesting bump, enough to add character and your lips….your lips are just begging to be kissed.”

Merlin leaned in and softly kissed Arthur, keeping the kiss light. He felt the tremor that shook Arthur’s body. Pulling away, Merlin waited until Arthur opened his eyes, then looked deep into them, reading everything that Arthur tried so desperately to hide.

“Why are you so sad, Arthur? Why aren’t you true to yourself?” Merlin whispered.

Arthur gasped at Merlin’s perception and he couldn’t stop the glaze of tears that blurred his vision. He blinked the tears away and looked away.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Liar.” Merlin kept his hand on Arthur’s jaw, his thumb tenderly stroking Arthur’s cheek.

Arthur dropped his head, struggling to get himself back under control.

“Don’t do that. Stop trying to hide, Arthur.”

Arthur gulped and looked back up at Merlin. “You don’t know me, you can’t judge me.”

“I’m not judging, I’m asking.”

Arthur pulled away and walked over to the railing, leaning on it as he looked out at the view.

“I’m not hiding anything. I’m not sad and I am who I am.”

Merlin came alongside and leaned on the railing, his arm touching Arthur’s from shoulder to elbow.

“Then why didn’t you kiss me back? You wanted to.”

“How do you know I wanted you to kiss me? That I’d let you kiss me?”

“Because your whole body wants to be with me. Because your eyes are devouring me – and because I want you just as much.”

Merlin felt another tremor shake Arthur and he tilted his head to study Arthur’s profile.

“We can be discrete if you aren’t out yet. But you need to know, I don’t want a one night stand with you. I think we could have something pretty amazing together, if you’ll let us.”

Arthur turned his head and Merlin read all the want in his eyes. “I’ve never had a relationship before.”

“Have you ever had a proper lover? Not just a quick getting it off with someone, but a proper lover, someone who will spend time making love to you, caressing you, holding you, loving you like you want to be loved. Someone who’ll stay with you after it’s over and just be with you?”

Arthur eyes blazed with want as he shook his head. Merlin leaned in until his lips were just millimeters from Arthurs.

“Will you let me be that lover?” he whispered.

Arthur groaned as he was fully seduced. “Please,” he begged. 

 

They became lovers that night, and a couple the next day. 

 

Merlin was Arthur’s salvation, and everything that Arthur had pretended to be, became real. Merlin gave Arthur the confidence to be himself, and with Merlin by his side, loving him, Arthur blossomed into the man he was supposed to be. Arthur was supremely happy with Merlin and his confidence and self-worth flourished. 

Morgana noticed the difference and when she met Merlin, she hugged him tightly and thanked him for loving Arthur as he deserved to be loved. Merlin had laughed and hugged her back, thanking her for holding him together until Merlin got there.

Once a month, Arthur went home overnight for a mandatory dinner with his father. He always went alone. And when he returned, he was always wound up tight as a spring, body tense, mouth terse, eyes hard. Merlin would make love to him extra tenderly, loving the anger out of his body, kissing the tension from his mouth, soothing the hurt from his eyes, until he was once again Merlin’s Arthur. Then Merlin would let Arthur take control, let Arthur assert his sexuality in confirmation that this was who he was.

 

Their first real fight was a revelation for Merlin. As soon as Arthur realized that this was something more than just an argument, he had panicked. Merlin saw the fear in his eyes and instead of fighting back, Arthur had retreated into himself. Merlin could almost literally see Arthur pulling all the shutters closed on his heart, pulling up all his shields and donning his armor of indifference to protect himself from being hurt and abandoned yet again. Merlin forgot what they were fighting about and instead spent the next few hours convincing Arthur that he wasn’t going anywhere, that although he was mad, he still loved Arthur. It was then that Merlin had learned about Arthur’s abandonment issues, and it was then that Merlin really began to dislike Arthur’s father. 

After that first time, their fights gradually got more normal. Months later, the first time Arthur got truly mad at Merlin and raged at him, after his initial shock, Merlin had stood there grinning like an idiot while Arthur went more and more ballistic.

“What the fuck are you grinning at? Are you even listening to anything I’m saying? Arthur yelled.

“Every single word,” Merlin nodded. “Keep going, I’m listening.”

Arthur had railed and seethed and fumed and paced, and never once panicked that Merlin might leave him. After, when his anger had blown over, Merlin rewarded him with the most mind-blowing make-up sex and prolonged post-sex cuddling.

 

It was their 18 month anniversary when Arthur proposed to Merlin. He caught Merlin completely off-guard, getting down on one knee and even presenting him with a ring of commitment. When Morgana found out, she was almost as happy as they were, declaring that she loved Merlin from the moment she met him. Arthur never found out that when he left the room to get the champagne, Morgana had grabbed Merlin’s face fiercely and told him that if he ever, ever hurt or abandoned Arthur, she would cut his heart out with her bare hands and feed it to the dogs. Merlin had simply stared back at her calmly.

"I love him, Morgana. And I promise you, I will love him and protect him and cherish him every day of my life."

When Arthur returned with the champagne, he found his sister and his lover clenched in a tight hug.

 

Once they were engaged, Arthur knew he would have to introduce Merlin to Uther. Against every instinct and common good sense, Arthur took Merlin home to meet his father.

When Merlin and Uther finally met, they hated each other on sight. But unlike Arthur, Merlin was completely unintimidated by this homophobic man. Arthur was in awe as he watched his gentle, loving Merlin go head to head with Uther’s temper, deflecting each poisonous dart, each hate-filled slur with a verbal wit and virtuosity that bordered on the brilliant. 

Uther never even attempted civility, instead going for the jugular, intent on destroying the relationship and the man that proved his son’s homosexuality. But Merlin stood up to Uther, fighting not just the hatred, but for the man he loved. Merlin never let Uther fluster him, remaining calm and in control while firing back his own ammunition in the form of his declared love for Arthur. At times, Merlin physically put himself in front of Arthur, showing Uther in no uncertain terms that he would never again be allowed to hurt Arthur while Merlin was by his side.

It was Merlin’s strength in the face of such vicious opposition, that finally allowed Arthur to let go of the little boy inside who was constantly seeking his father’s approval. Together, the two lovers, hands clasped tightly to each other, stood before Uther’s wrath and declared their love and intention to marry. When Uther, in a final fit of anger, declared he would disinherit Arthur, Arthur found he didn’t even care.

“There’s nothing I want from you, father. I don’t need your money and I don’t need your approval. I love Merlin, and as long as I have him by my side, my life will be complete.”

When Merlin and Arthur left the house, it was the last time they saw or heard from Uther. Arthur never returned to the house – Morgana had packed up his belongings and shipped them to him. 

Uther never acknowledged their wedding. Morgana stood up for Arthur as Best Man/Maid of Honor. And Uther never acknowledged the birth of Arthur’s son.

 

Until now.

 

Merlin sighed and picked up the lawyer’s letter again. Well, Uther had promised all those years ago that he would disinherit Arthur, but since they never heard from him again, they had never even thought about it. Now here it was in black and white. They didn’t need Uther’s money. Both Arthur and Merlin were successful in their respective careers. But it was the thought of Uther’s cruelty in doing this, that renewed Merlin’s hate for the man.

“Look who woke up.” Arthur’s voice startled Merlin and he turned around to find a sleep crumpled Arthur holding a smiling baby. Merlin grinned at the picture of father and son, both with hair askew.

“I never heard him wake up on the monitor.” Merlin said.

“That’s because I woke up first. I went in to check on him just as he was waking up and instead of waking up crying, he gave me a big beautiful smile, didn’t you sweetheart?”

As if he understood his father, Jamie gave them both a big gummy, drooly smile and both father’s laughed in delight.

Arthur looked over at the table. “Any interesting mail?”

Merlin hastily gathered together the lawyer’s letter and other mail. “Nothing special.” He wasn’t going to spoil this loving moment of father and son. “I’ll warm up his formula, did you sleep well?”

Merlin tucked the mail into the basket they kept for bills. He would call Morgana and get her input in how to let Arthur know about the letter, and when. But for now, they had a baby who needed their attention.

Merlin looked over to where Arthur was sitting at the table making faces and rubbish baby talk with his son. He reached up and grabbed the small digital camera he kept up there. He had scattered a number of cameras around the house specifically to catch moments like this.

His first shot was Arthur bent over and making a face at a laughing Jamie. Arthur held Jamie up to face level and puckered up to give him a kiss. Just then, Jamie reached out chubby baby arms and touched his father’s cheek. Merlin took the photo that would later become his favourite shot of father and son. 

Arthur was an incredibly loving father, forever holding his son, giving him his undivided attention, talking to him constantly – interspaced in the baby babble was words of praise for how strong, how handsome, how wonderful his son was. It was as if he was giving his son everything that Arthur’s own father had never given him.

Arthur tucked Jamie into the crook of his arm as Merlin handed him the warmed bottle and Jamie greedily glommed onto the nipple, smacking his lips and making small baby noises of pleasure at the feast he was drinking. Merlin snapped another picture of Arthur’s loving face as he watched his son eat, then a close-up just of Arthur’s face.

Without looking up, Arthur said, “Don’t you think you’ve got enough photos, Merlin? Jamie’s going to think you’re the paparazzi with all the picture taking.”

“You’ll thank me for these when he’s grown up.”

Arthur looked up at Merlin. “He really is incredible, isn’t he?”

“He’s a beautiful, wonderful little boy, Arthur. You did a very good job making him.”

Arthur looked back down at the baby. “Do you think he’ll look like me?”

“Yeah, I think he will. He’s already looks a bit like you. His eyes will have a bit of green from Elaina though, but he’s got your blonde hair, and his body structure is yours – he’s got your barrel chest.

Arthur studied his little boy, who gazed solemnly back at his father.

“I’m never going to let him doubt how much I love him,” Arthur said softly. “No matter what he does, he will never be able to doubt my love.” Arthur stroked the soft golden down on the baby’s head. “I will always be proud of you Jamie, and I will always love you.” Arthur bent and kissed his son’s forehead.

Beside him, Merlin swallowed the lump in his throat, his remembrance of Arthur’s childhood still fresh in his mind. Merlin’s gaze went to the basket containing the lawyer’s letter and he knew he had made the right decision to withhold the letter from Arthur. Morgana would be able to help him soften the blow of the letter’s contents. 

But for now, Merlin lifted the camera again and took another photo. For now, Jamie was the luckiest baby in the world to have a father as full of love as Arthur. Merlin smiled at his husband and son and he felt he had never loved them more then he did this very minute.


End file.
